My 50th Birthday

On February 1st (Imbolc) 🌿, I turned 50. For months, I wasn’t looking forward to it. Not because of the number, but because I wasn’t sure how to celebrate it. It’s an important milestone, and I felt like it needed to be celebrated in a big or special way. But all I felt was pressure to decide. I made a list of possibilities, but none of them made it beyond the idea stage.

The truth was that I was really exhausted. October through January didn’t include the rest I needed, and as February approached, I didn’t have the energy or time to plan anything significant, and neither did anyone else.

So when Amara (one of my best friends and fellow coaches) 💖 said she’d hop on a plane ✈️ and fly down so we could spend the night at a fancy hotel 🏨, get massages at the spa 💆‍♀️, and have a ritual 🔥, I said, hell yes. 

And it was perfect.

She gave me the best gift—quality time, deep holding of space 💫, tons of laughter 😂, and true sisterhood 👯‍♀️. It was an effort and an expense for her to leave her family and be with me, to take the initiative when I was struggling, and I’ll always be grateful.

When I returned home the next day, I was humbled to find all the deliveries of cards 💌, flowers 💐, and gifts 🎁 full of birthday wishes from friends all over the world 🌍, including many from my dear IP Trainer framily and crewmates, thanks to Rebecca Psigoda's orchestration.

But just as I began to fully receive the love so graciously sent my way, I received word that one of our fellow IP Trainers had died tragically in an accident, along with her 15-year-old daughter 💔. And I was stopped in my tracks in shock and grief.

I had just hosted Jennie Weibe as the January guest speaker for our monthly training call. How could less than 20 days later she be gone?  We had discussed turning 50 together, born only 4 days apart. I hoped she would serve on the next crew and felt a kinship with her, knowing we'd become friends if we had more time. But now there wasn't any.

My friend Heather, the week before my birthday, said to me—“Growing older is a gift denied to many.” I hadn't fully gotten it until now.

I attended Jennie’s funeral virtually. And the heartbreak was palpable 💔. But also present was the incredible love ❤️. The light and love that Jennie and Zoe shared and radiated, the avalanche of love for Jennie and Zoe, and the love in the community they had built. I estimate close to 1,200 people came together that day. Love and community were part of their legacy, and it profoundly touched me.

Since my actual birthday, I've had two other friend dinners to celebrate. And decided that I'm going to take the whole year to honor this half-century milestone. Because why the f**k not? You only turn 50 once.

Before writing this email, I went for a walk this morning 🚶‍♀️ and then took a shower 🚿 -because showers and walks are where I do my best wisdom receiving.

Here’s what came through:

✨ An antidote to the hard things in the world right now is consciously seeking love, joy, and pleasure in the little things. What is one fun, loving, joyful, pleasurable thing you can do in the next 24 hours? Seriously, name it right now.

🎁 Turning 50 is a gift to ME. And turning 50 is a gift to everyone who cares about me. As are all of our birthdays and anniversaries. Let’s take every possible opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate life. Is there something upcoming that you can celebrate for yourself, your family, or a friend? A dream achieved, a baby step made, or another year around the sun 🌞?

💞 Our relationships and friendships require effort but are also our lifeblood. Yes, we're busy and tired and people are challenging but let's nurture and grow through them because we always think we'll have more time. Who would you like to connect with this week?

🌎 Your people need you. We all want to feel more connected and included. Let’s become and build within us the kind of sanctuary and community we dream of being part of. What kind of community care can you offer someone else?

💖 Our capacity to love and be loved is our medicine and strength right now. Even when I want to contract and go inward away from other people, I’m being asked to show up anyway. Life does hurt and our hearts will break, but allowing our hearts to break is also how we know the depth of our capacity to love.

Let’s scan our lives for moments, things, and people to love :

💕 Moments of kindness with strangers
🕊️ The birds in the trees
🏡 A friendly chat with the neighbor
💬 An uplifting or encouraging comment on social media
😃 Big smiles and bright eyes with your loved one
📲 A reach-out text to a friend
😂 A laugh with a co-worker
🧦 Your favorite soft warm socks
🎶 Listening to music you know all the lyrics to.

When we connect to the energy of love around us, we connect to our creativity, humanity, our values, and joy. We remember that life is worth showing up for by the love we get to give and receive. 💞