Holiday Magic Makers aren't the Elves

This email is a bit later than planned. Like many of you, I've been feeling a little overstretched this week. Yesterday, there was a seven-hour internet outage that added to the chaos. I’m fully in the end-of-year holla-daze. 😵‍💫 And I'm also leaning into the goodness of the season. Speaking of...

Beloved holiday memories, traditions, and feelings of connection and good cheer around this time of year aren't because of Santa’s Elves. It’s because of the effort and expertise of the kinkeepers. (Who, by the way, are the ones who put the elves on the shelves).

So to all the kinkeeping holiday magic makers out there… I see you. 👀✨

Kinkeeping, a term introduced by sociologist Carolyn Rosenthal, refers to the physical and emotional labor required to maintain and enhance family relationships and connectedness. This includes organizing social gatherings, honoring milestones, and addressing the needs and care of family members. Kinkeepers handle communication, event planning, caregiving, and the continuance of family traditions and rituals.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of kinkeepers are women. They juggle numerous responsibilities and details to create holiday magic. They purchase the tickets and plan the menus—not just the holiday one but the snacks, treats, and meals before and after. If you wrap a gift, most likely, they make sure there are paper, tape, and tags. They accommodate dietary restrictions, resolve personality conflicts, and handle last-minute emergencies. They manage calendars and ensure everyone knows what’s happening and when.

Kinkeepers aren’t just found in traditional families; they exist in organizations, friend groups, and work cultures. I recognize the kinkeepers at the wellness center I go to, who put out a connecting holiday activity each day this week. 🌲

Kinkeeping fosters connection and togetherness. It’s also part of the work of the feminine that goes unnoticed and unvalued in our culture. This unpaid labor is frequently done on top of full-time jobs.

If you know some kinkeepers in your life and will experience holiday magic because of them, please take a moment to reflect on the effort and mental load they carry. The best gift you can give them is appreciation, respect, and acknowledgment. Offer your support, help, or take something off their plate. 🎁💖

If you are a fellow kinkeeper, I see you. I want you to hear this: Your work is crucial to the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical well-being of those you nurture. While society may not value this work in traditional ways, by naming and claiming it out loud, we can start by valuing it ourselves. And don’t fall into the trap of believing you aren’t doing enough. You create magic with your presence and nurturing—not by getting it all done or perfect. Give yourself grace, and don’t feel guilty about taking a rest or asking for help. We all need it. Our work is sacred. 🌺🙏 

Let’s make sure we not only appreciate the holiday magic but also the incredible people who make it happen.