A quick reframe tool reminder

As a “Thursday Thoughts” reader, I imagine you understand the power of our language and mindset and know that we can rewire our brains. So today, let's practice a quick tool you can use when feeling annoyed, grumpy, or self-critical. 

Think of something in your life that you want to shift or change, especially if you feel somewhat resistant.

 For example-  

I’m scrolling on my phonetoo much. I don’t want my phone to be the first thing I wake up to in the morning.  

I’m feeling the impending doom of this upcoming election. I don’t want to deal with all the division and name-calling.  

I’m micromanaging my partner too much.Why am I so bossy?

 I’m feeling very resistant to social media. I don’t have the energy or motivation to think of things to post constantly.  

 What would you say? (Pause, close your eyes, and think of one). 

 If your default is like mine, you’ll notice that my inner dialogue is concentrated on what I don’t want and focused on the problem. There is a self-critical energy to it. If you find yourself in the same boat, whether it’s your default too or something you do once in a while when you get stuck, I have one quick reframe. 

 Change the “I don’t want” to “ I choose.” 
"I don’t want to" statements focus on the problem and what’s wrong. "I choose" helps you focus on a positive action step in the right direction.  

Instead of saying, "I don't want to be on my phone first thing in the morning," I could say, I choose to charge my phone in the bathroom. 

Yes, it’s that small, simple shift that makes a difference, focuses our energy, and rewires our brains.  

Notice that I chose something to help solve the problem. First, I reflected on how easy it is to wake up, look at the time, pick up my phone, and BOOM—the timesuck trap of scrolling happens . I asked, “What could I do instead of telling myself NOT to do it?” I realized that if I had to get out of bed to get to my phone, I would likely bypass and delay the compulsion and the bad habit of scrolling in bed.  

“I choose” restores your agency and decision-making power because now my language isn't criticizing me for scrolling. Instead, I’m creating a doable action step that distracts me from the impulse. I’m also framing the action as a choice, which reduces resistance. It also creates positive reinforcement when I make the choice, and then it’s much more likely to become consistent.  

Let’s try the others. 

Instead of saying, "I don’t want to be so bossy," I could say, "I choose to be patient, kind, and encouraging when I talk to my  hubby," or "I choose to allow and appreciate his way of doing things." 

I don’t want to deal with political name-calling and division. Instead, I could say:  I choose to see beyond sides and find common ground with the people I love.  

Instead of “I don’t have the energy or motivation to constantly think of things to post.” I remember writing this email every week and repurposing it for social media. I choose to make at least one post a week. 

“I choose” is also tool for installing more empowering beliefs that feel harder to believe. Instead of the belief “I am committed and focused” You could make the decision. “I choose to be committed and focused.”  

Your turn. What “I don’t want” sentence can you transform into an “I choose?” Pick one and share it with me via DM.